Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Two More Stripper Stories

Reading some of the other stripper stories shared in the blogosphere has triggered my memory of a couple other good stories I think are worth sharing. 

The first one happened with the same strip club loving friend from the first stories I shared.  We were at one of the clubs out west of Des Moines and it was a very slow night.  Besides us there were maybe 15 other people in the whole place.  We of course were sitting right up front with our elbows practically on the stage since that was where my friend insisted we always sit.  The next dancer out was not in the best shape.  She was a little on the heavy side and I don't just mean curvy...she was verging on fat.  She came over to try to hustle us for tips.  We weren't interested in having her dance for us, so my friend tried to politely turn her away by saying, "Sorry, we don't have any cash on us right now."  She replied with, "Well if you don't have any money you shouldn't be sitting in the front row."  To which he replied, "Well if you're fat you shouldn't be stripping."  She angrily stomped off in her giant platform stripper shoes and apparently told all of her friends we were assholes, because all of the rest of the girls pretended we didn't exist. 

The next story occurred at a bachelor party.  The buddy that was getting married managed a large telemarketing call center in Saint Louis.  As we walked in the door of Roxy's in East Saint Louis one of the dancers yelled hello at the bachelor and called him by his first name.  I was like, "Jesus, dude, how often do you come here?"  He explained that she used to work for him in the call center and he actually had fired her because of poor performance.  Anyway...she doesn't really factor into the interesting part of this story.  Roxy's had a big half circle shower that was used for shows that wasn't on a stage.  It was just against the wall next to the door where the dancers' dressing room was located.  We talked to the DJ and found out that for just $100 we could get our bachelor in that shower with two strippers.  Since we had like 10 to 15 guys in our group that was a bargain at around $7.50 per person so we all chipped in. 

Soon after we ponied up the cash one of the dancers, who I'll call Crystal, came to get the bachelor, but he was having second thoughts.  He argued that $100 was a lot of money and we could have way more fun spending it a little at a time instead of all at once.  We all told him it was no big deal since we had split the cost.  He still seemed apprehensive so the stripper tried to convince him by saying, "C'mon, baby, it'll be fun.  We're going to be in the shower with Ginger and she's my favorite."  (FYI - the stripper names are completely made up because this was like 20 years ago and I don't remember them anymore.) He was still arguing when Ginger strode up.  She was maybe 20 years old and super hot...athtletic build and just oozed sex and sensuality.  She whispered something in his ear and he instantly said, "Okay I'll do it."  They took him back to the dressing room to change into his souvenir bathing suit and very shortly the DJ was announcing that it was time for the shower show to start. 

They had setup about 3 or 4 rows of chairs around the shower with the first row maybe only 2 to 3 feet from the glass.  We went over to grab seats and all of the front row chairs were already filled with other dudes.  We were like, "Nope, we paid for this show and that's our buddy that's going to be in there, so we're sitting up here."  They were like, "The club sold us tickets for the front row."  We responded, "Well then you better go get your money back from them because we're sitting here."  I guess because we out numbered them they complied and gave up the front row seats.  The show started with the two very naked strippers showering and soaping each other up.  It was okay, but nothing too exciting.  Then Crystal went into the dressing area to get him. They put a chair in the middle of the shower and sat him down.  Ginger then stood on her hands and did the splits wedging her feet against the glass walls of the shower so that her crotch was about 2 inches from his face.  Crystal proceeded to go to town on her while the DJ egged them on and instructed the crowd to throw money over the shower walls to encourage them.  It was a straight up sex show and they weren't simulating anything.  I had never seen anything like it before or since and simply sat with my mouth agape while exchanging looks with my other friends like, "Are you f-ing kidding me?" The bachelor tried several times to lean forward and join in the fun, but the first girl kept grabbing his hair and pulling him back.

We later found out that Ginger had convinced him by saying, "Don't tell your friends, but me and Crystal are going to have sex in the shower and I want you to watch from up close."  The whole thing had to be illegal and was the most bizarre thing I've ever witnessed in a strip club. 

Oh...and a little post-script to this story.  Later that night (or really early the next morning) my extremely drunk friend from the earlier stories got lost trying to find his hotel room at the Embassy Suites, so he just crashed on the floor in a corner of the hallway.  A couple hours later a security guard woke him up and then radioed the front desk to find out his room number.  Turned out he was sleeping right outside the correct room number, but like two floors off.


  1. Oh wow, Jeff,those are two excellent stories, particularly the "shower' one. Wow.

    I'm kind of surprised the "fat" hooker didn't try to get you kicked out. I wonder how many times she'd been insulted like that?

  2. Okay -- you are forcing me to go through my vault of stripper stories.